The Most She Ever Knew
by RachelDemented
Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home. (three parts to complete)
1. 1

Title: The Most She Ever Knew (1) 

Author: Rachel

Email: rachelfromihj@hotmail.com

Homepage: Rach's Stuff [ http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj ]

Rating: R for language, sex, drugs, violence

Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home.

Spoilers: None

Note: The theme song for this fic is Acoustic #3 by The Goo Goo Dolls on the Dizzy Up The Girl CD:

_They painted up your secrets with the lies they told to you/and the least they ever gave you was the most you ever knew/and I wonder where these dreams go when the world gets in your way/what's the point in all this screaming, no ones listening anyway/your voice is small and fading and you hide in here unknown/and your mother loves your father cause she's got no where to go/and she wonders where these dreams go 'cause the world got in her way/what's the point in ever trying, nothings changing anyway._

After she found out her mother was in the hospital, Jen Lindley made a hasty retreat back to New York. She kissed her Grams goodbye, let a couple of her close friends know, and she was on her way, on a train back home…_her original home._

Jen's heart dropped when she saw her mother; black and blue, her eye-swollen shut, her lip split, and a couple of her ribs broken.

"Oh mom," Jen said through tears.

"I'm fine, Jen. Really, I'm fine." 

They released her mother that day, with no pending visits from social services.

Helen Lindley had lied. Instead of admitting that it was her loving husband, wealthy and highly respected wall street legend Brice Lindley, who had done this to her, she said that she was attacked in a parking lot at knifepoint. Jen didn't have to listen to her lies to know what had really gone on.

In the limo ride home, Jen sat biting her lip hard. Her mother, astonishingly, without regard to her injuries and without regard to her daughter's presence, was feverishly applying make-up from her compact to cover her bruises.

Jen painfully watched her mother; pitiful, pathetic, weak, and trapped in a prison that perhaps only Jen could understand; without a word.

Helen Lindley did not want the help to see her this way. She didn't want anyone to see her this way, not a high society matron such as herself.

By the time the limo pulled into the circular driveway, Mrs. Lindley was completely made up. She slipped on her dark glasses, and waited for the driver to open the door.

She got out with Jen following her, and waltzed into the ornate house as if she didn't have a care in the world.

"Is that you, Helen?" A gruff masculine voice came from somewhere upstairs.

"Yes, dear." She answered dryly, slipping off her gloves.

Jen's father came down the steps, buttoning his suit jacket and smoothing his sleeves as if he were not welcoming home his adoring wife, but prepping for a business meeting or presentation.

"Jenny?" He said suddenly when he saw his daughter there. He floundered on that step for a moment, obviously speechless, but then recovered himself and went down to greet them.

"Hello, Daddy." Jen said, her voice cracking like ice.

He started to kiss her cheek but the look she gave him made him recoil. He didn't bother to kiss Helen.

"Are we feeling better after our _rest?_" He asked condescendingly. Helen nodded somewhat obediently, even as she avoided his gaze. Jen felt her fists clenching.

"Daddy…" She whispered. "How could you do that?"

"What?" He asked, acting completely taken aback.

"Don't fucking lie to me!" She warned, her emotions getting the best of her.

"Jennifer," He said coldly. "Do _not_ speak to me like that."

"Is that what Mom did? Is that why you beat her?"

"Jennifer, really."

"Jennifer!" Her mother snapped, immediately silencing her. Helen glanced around at the blank expressions on some of the help. They hadn't been able to overhear, but the room was thick with obvious tension.

"Come now, Jenny…" Her mother said with a sudden softening of her voice, walking past Brice to the stairs. "Let's get your things unpacked and settled. I have a lot of catching up to do with my little girl while she's visiting."

Jen hated when her mother addressed her in the third person when she was standing right there. But what she hated more was the look of contempt on her bastard father's face as he stared after her mother.

Her mother_… Her mommy._

"I swear to god," Jen whispered, tears springing into her eyes. "If you ever…" She couldn't finish her sentence. The man was just too cold. She looked away, unable to stare into his frosty eyes any longer.

"Just how long are you going to be staying, Jenny dear?"

"As long as it takes to protect her from you!" She shoved past him, and went up the stairs.

The tears were burning her eyes, and she let one slip, just one. Just enough, so that she wouldn't cry again. She wiped it away self consciously as she followed her mother's perfume through the hallway to her old bedroom.

The weekend passed without incident, and as much as here mother insisted, Jen refused to fly home Sunday evening for school. She called her Grams and let her know everything was okay, but that she was probably going to stick around for another week or so, and to please call the school and let then know.

Her grandmother, having no idea of the real tragedies that actually led to this visit, quickly obliged, offering her love to her granddaughter, and her daughter, Helen…and to her son-in-law, Brice.

"Sure Grams, I'll tell him." She said cordially. She smiled at her grandmother's loving and gentle voice. She longed to be home, in Capeside, with her, but as she heard a slight argument ensue somewhere upstairs, she remembered the urgency of her departure. "Grams, I gotta go! Please tell Jack and the others that I'll be home soon! I love you, bye."

She clicked down the phone, and rushed up the staircase. She heard the screaming and a crash as something hit a wall, and her steps quickened.

Jen bound into the study and saw her mother on her knees, tears sliding down her cheeks, as she picked up the pieces of a broken vase. Jen's eyes flew to her father who was standing across the room, his face red from his temper and a stern expression on his lips. When he saw the look on Jen's face, he held up his hands in defense.

"Your mother started it,"

"Yeah, I bet she did!" She bit back. She rushed to her mother, who shrugged her away, and her father stepped out of the room.

"Mom, let me help you…" She said, again reaching for the glass.

"I can do it myself!" Helen snapped angrily. Jen shrank back. "Honestly, Jen! Can't you just stay out of other people's business! This doesn't concern you…"

"Mom! How can you say that!"

"Jen…I mean it." Her voice was definite as she stared coldly at her daughter. Jen stood back, biting her lip to keep from crying as she let her mother finish cleaning up the mess.

Her mother threw the glass away, and went on about with the evening as if nothing had happened.

A week later, Jen looked frazzled and nervous as she sat in the waiting chair at Bloomingdale's. They were in the personal shopper's lounge, and she watched as her mother went through dress after dress after dress. Marty, her saleswoman, also looked frazzled, but she was patient. After all, she was paid to be patient.

Jen sighed.

"What about this one, Jenny dear?" Helen asked, turning around and smiling almost ferociously. Her mother was a good actress, probably the best in the biz, Jen thought. If she did movies, she'd have won over a thousand awards by now…

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine."

"_Fine_ is not a description," She bit, going back to her reflection in the mirror. "Sophisticated, feminine, pretty…you have heard of 'pretty', haven't you? Those are descriptions, not 'fine'."

"Okay, it's 'pretty'." Jen said through clenched teeth.

"I'll take this one, Marty." Helen said politely. The saleswoman nodded.

Later in the limo, Helen turned on her daughter.

"Don't you regard me that way, Jennifer! Do you understand! I do not want you treating me that way in public!"

"Public?" Jen gasped helplessly. Her mother was taking this entirely too far.

"Yes, public!" She screeched. "Especially in front of a-_a saleswoman!_ You start treating me like this, and I wont send you back to Capeside, I'll send you off to boarding school!"

"Mom, I'm almost eighteen,"

"Shut your mouth!"

"But Mom—"

Then Helen slapped her. It was abrupt, and it wasn't hard, but Jen was stunned.

"I do everything for you, Jennifer! Everything! And this is how you treat me! You have no respect for me! You don't appreciate me!"

"I…I appreciate you, mommy-"

"I swear! Sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve a child like you! Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten pregnant!"

Jen sat stupefied, her hand still on her cheek. The words hurt more than anything, and she couldn't believe they had been said to her.

After a few moments, Helen looked over at Jen.

"Jen…"

Jen looked up at her with wide, saucer eyes.

"Jen…honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Do you forgive me?"

Jen stared at her mother, who sat, smiling fondly at her as the limo sailed down the avenue.

"Do you? Please say you do…"

"Y-yeah, mom. Of course." Jen said, confused.

"Oh, Jen." She reached over and brushed Jen's hair away from her eyes. "I love you so much."


	2. 2

Title: The Most She Ever Knew (2) 

Author: Rachel

Email: rachelfromihj@hotmail.com

Homepage: Rach's Stuff [ http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj ]

Rating: R for language, sex, drugs, violence

Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home.

Spoilers: None

One week turned into two, and two nearly three.

Grams had called her several times; concerned that she was missing too much school.

By the end of the third week, Jen called Grams and spilt the news that she wasn't coming back. Grams had been heartbroken.

"I'm sorry, Grams. I'll miss you so much, I'll miss everyone," She said, trying to hold back her tears. "But mom needs me here."

"You've really bonded that much?" Grams said, pleased but also sad.

"Y-Yeah…"

"Well, then…I guess there's nothing more to worry about. I can pack your things for you, and ship them back if you like. I'm sure a few of your friends would like to hear from you though. You should call Jack and Andie, and Pacey. They've all been asking about you. The Leery's miss you too. And I saw Josephine and her sister at the market the other day…"

Grams went on, and Jen did start to cry, though she covered the receiver with her hand so that Grams wouldn't hear.

She was giving up everything she had earned there, everything she loved. But she loved her mother, and she couldn't trust her to be alone anymore.

"Yes, Grams, that would be excellent." She sighed. "Yes…Uh, uh…uh. Yes, I love you too… Okay…good bye."

She set the phone back down, and shrank back against the wall. She slid to the floor and held her face in her hands, but then she heard something crashing up stairs, and she rushed up.

Brice Lindley boarded a plane to London on a Wednesday afternoon. No one was there to see him off, and he really didn't care. Jen had watched as the limo pulled out of the driveway to take him there, and she'd left the window when the Limo drove out of sight. He'd be gone for at least a month, if not more, and when he came back, it would only be for a week, before jetting off to the orient on business. 

Everything with Brice Lindley was business. Jen couldn't remember if it had ever been another way. Had he ever loved her? Had he ever nurtured her? He must have because her early childhood memories were good ones. It didn't seem to get bad until she turned about twelve.

"Jennifer?"

Jen spun around and went up the stairs to her mother's room.

"Yes?"

"Honey…can you take a couple of my pills out of my purse for me? Its over there on the table."

Jen turned to her mothers Gucci handbag and removed the little silver pillbox she had remembered her having since childhood. She popped open the lid, and took two white slabs from it before placing it back in the bag. She took them over to her mother, who lay in her bed, propped against her pillows, with her hair pinned up and wearing her silk robe.

Her mother had been in bed all day.

Jen looked at the bottle of scotch on the nightstand and understood why.

"Jenny, baby…I'm so glad you decided to stay home. Now that your father's gone, the house will be lonely and I'm glad I've got you around."

"I'm glad I'm here,"

"The house is always so empty when your father leaves…"

"You mean the house is so safe." Jen mumbled.

Helen's jaw dropped.

"What?"

"I said the house is safe without daddy here," 

Jen watched her mother's expression turn from serene to heated in a matter of seconds, and she almost flinched at the difference.

"You stupid little brat! How dare you!" Helen was fuming. She jumped out of bed, grabbing Jen by the arm and dragging her out into the hallway. "I will NOT tolerate your attitude! Is that clear? I wont put up with it! I wont!"

"Yes!" Jen screamed, struggling to get free of her mother's tight grasp. Her mother pushed her to the floor and turned around and went back in her room. She slammed the door and Jen heard the lock click, and her mother's angry footsteps walking away.

"You can stay out there alone!" Was screamed through the door.

Jen shrank back; her mother's words were harsh even coming through the wall.

She gulped, and rose, dusting herself off, and headed back to her room, where she lay on her bed for hours, finally sleeping for a little while, until nearly midnight. Then, she rose groggily, and went to the kitchen for a snack.

She made as little noise as possible, and chewed her sandwich in silence. She was careful to clean everything up, and she tiptoed back upstairs to her mother's room.

Jen jiggled the handle; it was still locked. She went to the other end of the hall, into her fathers desk, and took a paperclip from it's holder, then went back to her mother's room, and picked the lock.

The light was still on. 

And there was her mother, passed out on the bed.

Jen went to her and covered her up. She leaned down, kissed her forehead, then turned off the light, remembering to lock the door again as she left.

A month had passed. Jen had not reenrolled in school in New York. She had dropped out, and her mother never said a word.

Her mother took her along on all her shopping trips. She took her to all her brunches, all her teas, all her fancy dinners. And Jen always played the perfect, quiet daughter, even as her mother openly criticized her in front of an unending number of New York's socialites.

Jen realized something that she hadn't understood before: Her mother was a drunk.

Every night, Helen Lindley would have her scotch and take her pills, and every night before she passed out were the worst outbreaks of abuse Jen was victimized with. Her mother would throw things at her, she'd slap her. Sometimes she'd hit her with things like the phone.

The other night Jack had called her. Her mother, already drunk before the pills could take their affect, accused Jen of being a slut and screwing around with boys and making her life miserable, and then she had hit ripped the phone out of the wall and hit her with it.

Jen never blamed her mother though.

It was the alcohol. It was the pills. It was the years of abuse from her father that made her do it. Jen wouldn't believe that her mother was capable of this on her own, and that was the precise reason she had to be here: To protect her and help her.

Her mother finally passed out. Jen tucked her in, then went into the bathroom and cleaned the blood from her face from where the beating had broken the skin over her brow. She then returned Jack's call, confirmed that she was doing great, then took a long, hot bath before retiring to bed where, once again, she barely got a wink of sleep.

What kept her up: The fact that she and her mother were so completely alone in this world with no one else to love them besides each other.

Imagine Jen's surprise when the following weekend, Jack and Pacey appeared at her door.

"Oh my god!" She screamed hugging them both on her porch. "What are you doing here!"

"We missed you!"

"Lindley, we thought you dropped off the planet!"

"Why didn't you call me!"

"We wanted to surprise you," Jack smiled. "Are you surprised?"

"YES!" She said, hugging him again and kissing his cheek.

"We thought we'd just drive down, it only took a couple of hours you know, and Jacker's here just got a new Civic from his dad."

"You did!" Jen squealed.

"Yeah…it's an early graduation present." Jack said looking proudly back at the shiny black car at the end of the driveway. Jen's face fell a little. They both noticed.

"So Jen," Pacey said, changing the subject. "Can we come in?"

Jen looked back through the open door to the house. She thought maybe it would be okay, but then she heard her mother's voice.

"Jenny baby??? Who's there…why'd you leave me…"

This early, she was already drunk.

"Um, guys…sorry. My mom's not feeling too good."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Jack asked, concerned.

"No," Jen said, backing into the house. "Thank you guys for coming, but I don't really have time to…to talk…"

"But Jen!" Pacey laughed uncomfortably. "We came all this way!"

" I know…and I'm sorry, I really appreciate it! But my mom's…she…she needs me." Jen was ready to shut the door. Pacey put his hand on it, and stopped her.

"Jen?"

She just stared at him.

"Well, what do you say we come back tonight?" Jack interrupted cheerfully. "Me and Pace, we got all weekend, we could find a motel or something…maybe you could take us out, show us around?"

"Well, I don't know…"

"Lindley," Pacey smiled. "Come on! You can't turn us down…not after all the driving we did to see you! Come on! Jack here is dying to hit one of those crazy underground parties!" Jack started to speak…_He never said anything about going to any parties_… But Pacey went on. "You can't turn us down now…Look at him! Look at his face! Look how disappointed he is!" 

Pacey slapped Jack in the chest and Jack reacted, giving Jen the saddest case of puppy dog eyes she'd ever seen.

Jen reluctantly nodded.

"Well, okay… Come back around 10:00 or so…she'll be asleep by then. We'll go out."

"YES!" Pacey grinned.

"Sure," Jack smiled.

"Okay, see you then," She said, starting to close the door. Again Pacey blocked it.

"Jen?"

_Jenny? Jenny, baby? Where are you! …Her mother was calling again, and she was starting to sound angry._

"Yeah?" She asked quietly, her head barely poked out.

"Where are we going? How should we dress?"

"Oh…" Jen looked down and thought for a moment. "Um, just dress comfortably… baggy pants, sensible shoes. Just regular club clothes. I know this one party, but it gets hot, so you might wanna wear a tank top or something."

"Okay," He smiled. "We'll be back at 10:00."

"K."

Jen closed the door and leaned against it, closing her eyes momentarily. Then she suddenly opened them again, and swung open the door just as Jack and Pacey were turning away.

"Don't drive. Just leave your car at the motel and take a cab. The streets around here are terrible, and there's never anywhere to park."

"Okay," Jack said.

"K…bye."

"Bye," The said again in unison as the door shut again.

Jen turned and went up the stairs.

"Jennifer! Where are you!"

"Coming!"

"What was that all about?" Jack scoffed as they walked to the end of the driveway and got in his new car. "Why are you so eager that she take us to an underground party???"

"I dunno," Pacey said, glancing back up at the house. "She just looks like she needs to get out…"

It was weird to see Jen out here like this…big fancy house, and wide green gardens in the middle of a big city. She looked so sad…and almost lost. She never looked like that in Capeside.

Pacey was suspicious.

That night, Jen was beaten worse than she'd ever been.

"I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD GO OUT!" Her mother screamed.

It was nearly nine. Helen hadn't taken her pills yet, and when she found Jen doing her hair and makeup, she started questioning her.

"Mom! Please!"

"I didn't say you could go out, you little tramp!"

"But mom!"

"You will not leave this house tonight, you understand me! You're staying here with me!"

"Mom! I'm going out! That's it! You wont stop me from seeing my friends!"

"AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!"

"You're just going to take your pills and go to sleep…you always do! Why can't I do something other than sit here and watch you drink yourself to sleep every night! WHY!"

Jen's face stung as the first slap came. She started to cry at the second. The next thing she knew, she was crouched on the floor as her mother laid into her; hitting her and kicking her hard, and screaming and crying in rage.

She reached down and grabbed Jen by the chin, digging her nails into her face and yanked her across the floor out into the hallway.

"YOU'RE STAYING HERE WITH ME!" She screamed, dragging her down the hall by the hair. "YOU THINK YOUR FRIENDS CARE ABOUT YOU??? THEY DON'T! ONLY I DO! I'M ALL YOU HAVE! YOU CAN'T TREAT ME THIS WAY!"

"MOTHER, STOP!"

"YOU JUST WANT TO LEAVE ME! YOU HATE ME!" She cried. "ADMIT IT, YOU HATE ME!"

"I DON'T HATE YOU MOM!" Jen pleaded. 

When they reached her mothers room, Helen threw Jen against the door and looked down at her as if she were going to start pummeling her again.

Jen cowered on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Mommy, please!"

She was so scared. She hid her face in her hands, and just cried and cried and cried. Jen cried so hard, it hurt to breath, and she half expected herself to pass out.

Suddenly Helen burst into tears and fell over her daughter, gripping her, and rocking her violently.

"I'M SORRY JEN! I'M SO SORRY! Why do you make me do this to you, huh? WHY?"

She held Jen back by the shoulders, shaking her slightly, and looking at her. 

Her mother's eyes were no longer wide and crazy, and the tears fell down her face in grief. Jen hated seeing her this way. She hated the fear and desperation in her mother's eyes…she hated seeing her cry.

"Why do you make me so upset!"

"I—I'm sorry, Mom!" Jen wailed.  
"I know you are, honey! I know!"

She clutched her again, rocking her until they both quieted down.

Jen gave her mother her pills, then climbed into bed with her. She let her mother hold her until the pills finally kicked in. Jen lay there quietly listening to her mother's breathing. A few minutes later, she tiptoed away, closing the door behind her, and dragged herself back to her own room. She looked at the clock. It was 9:15. She walked into the bathroom and spent the next forty-five minutes fixing her hair and trying to cover her new marks with fresh make-up. The scratches on her cheek were the hardest part.

The guys arrived at ten like clockwork.

Jen climbed in the cab as Pacey held the door for her, and then they were off.

"So, you guys found a place to stay?" Jen asked.

"Yeah," Pacey smiled.

"Good."

"Where we going?" Jack asked. Jen smiled slightly.

"You'll see…"


	3. 3

Title: The Most She Ever Knew (3) 

Author: Rachel

Email: rachelfromihj@hotmail.com

Homepage: Rach's Stuff [ http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj ]

Rating: R for language, sex, drugs, violence

Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home.

Spoilers: None

At the front of the line, Jack spread his legs with his hands clamped behind his head as the bouncer patted him down. Jen and Pacey had already been frisked and waited just inside the door under a black light.

Jen smiled at Pacey, glowing in his white wife beater. He raised his eyebrow at her and she looked away.

They stamped his hand and allowed Jack passage, and the three of them continued down the hallway to enter the Rave.

The music was so loud.

They could feel it in their chests.

Jen lead them through the crowd to the slushy bar, which sat half a level up higher than the dance floor. Across the room was the stage where some of the best DJ's in the world spun trance, jungle, and trip hop in a dizzying cycle.

It was dark and hot, and the lights, lasers, and disco ball added to the delirium effect.

"So what do you think so far!" Jen shouted at them as she paid the guy at the counter $5.00 for a small cup of fruit punch flavored ice mixed with Ginseng and some other power herbs.

"I think you just paid too much for that slushy!" Pacey yelled back.

"You'll be paying too much for one too!" She smiled as she took a big sip. She handed it to Pacey, who also took a sip, then handed it out to Jack. Jack wasn't paying attention.

Jack stared at the dance floor with a grin the size of Florida plastered across his face. He looked in awe; like a kid taking his first trip to Disney World. The neon lights, the glow sticks that zigzagged through the air, the bumping music…bodies, bodies, bodies…he'd never seen anything like it.

"Let's go!" He shouted reaching out for Jen's hand.

"No…" She said, shaking her head. "I'm just going to sit here for a while! You guys go! Have fun! Do your thing!"

"Are you sure?"  
Jen nodded her head yes.  
"Aw! Lindley! Come on!" Pacey begged.

"Nah, Pace…" Jen said, looking around at her old element. "Go ahead, I'll catch up to you later."

Okay, he nodded, and then followed Jack off into the crowd.

Jen slumped down on a stool at the counter.

It'd had been a long time.

She leaned back against the edge of the counter, and winced. Her hand went to her back, and she found a large tender spot where a bruise had begun to form. She sighed, and turned back to her ice, and thought sadly about her mother, and how she lay passed out in an empty room in an empty house all alone with no one there to look out for her.

But it was just for one night, then Jack and Pacey would go back home, and things would go back to normal. 

Jen frowned. 

_The "new" normal…_  
She didn't want Pacey and Jack to leave…without her. She wished she could get up and go with them, and not look back. But she couldn't leave her mother.

She just couldn't.

That got her thinking all about Grams… and school…and the real family that she had so hastily left behind in Capeside. And now she was depressed, and lonely, and awkward, and she suddenly felt suffocated.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

_So many things…_

_She'd overcome so many things._

She opened her eyes.

She shed her old rep…she'd become such a good girl. She stopped drinking and partying…oh what she wouldn't do for a drink right now.

The air was thick with heat.

She swallowed the last of the slushy and looked down at her empty cup.

"Hey! Don't you have anything stronger than this!" She screamed at the bartender.

"Sorry, no alcohol!" He screamed back over the thump of the music.

"Okay!" She said disappointedly.

God, her mother hit her. She beat her. She said terrible things, and she just put up with it. What was wrong with her? How could she fall into this cycle again? She was pathetic…her mom was right.

It hurt.

She leaned forward rubbing her temples and closing her eyes again.

THUMP THUMP THUMP

Jen felt like her chest was about to explode.

THUMP THUMP THUMP

And she couldn't breath.

THUMP THUMP THUMP

And she opened her eyes and looked at the dance floor.

THUMP THUMP THUMP

And she was racked with anxiety. She thought she might faint.  
_The lights, the kids, the incestuous grove that resonated through every atom in her body…pounding, pounding, pounding…_

Jen shoved her way through the crowd and finally reached the outside party. She burst through the door, and almost ran into another girl.

"HEY!"

"Sorry!"

Jen leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. The cool air was welcome.

Another DJ was spinning trip-hop, but out here in the open, the force of the music wasn't as dense, and she was able to calm down a little bit.

A cute guy was taking out a cigarette.

"Can I have one of those!" She yelled.

"Sure!" He grinned. He was checking her out as he lit it for her, but she didn't give a shit.

"Thanks," She mumbled walking away. She found a large concrete planter and leaned against the edge of it sighing deeply.

It'd been three years since she left New York and headed to Capeside, and three years since she'd quit smoking at the ripe old age of fourteen. And now as Jen exhaled, feeling only slightly more relaxed than she had a few minutes before, Jen remembered why she'd started in the first place. Taking another hit, she'd remembered why she quit.

Nausea hit her like a ton of bricks.

She put it out just as Pacey caught up to her.

"What are you doing?" He asked inquisitively.

"I was trying to start again," Jen laughed uneasily. "But I think I just quit for good!"

Jen suddenly had a terrible taste in her mouth, and she turned around and started spitting in the planter. For a second there, she thought she might throw up.

"Are you okay?" Pacey asked, stroking her back as she coughed the last part out.

"Fine," She said bitterly, wiping her mouth. "Just peachy… Where's Jack?" She spit one more time.

"I lost him-"

"Right here!"

Pacey gave Jack a serious look as he approached, and Jack's grin faded. Jen was clutching her stomach and head with a disgusted look on her face.

Pacey dug into his pocket, and pulled out a five.

"Jack, would you go get Jen another slushy?"

"Sure…" Jack took the five and disappeared.

Jen took a couple of long deep breaths and sighed, letting her hand drop from her head.

"You feeling better yet?"

"A little…"

"What's that on your face?" Pacey scowled, taking her chin in his hand and turning her head to the side.

"What?" Jen asked, alarmed.

"Jen! You've got scratches all over your face!"

Jen's mouth dropped as she reached up and touched her cheek. She could feel her makeup slipping off with her sweat.

"No I don't!" She lied.

"Yes you do!" He said, disregarding her dispute. "I didn't notice it inside…but out here, under the parking lot lights I can see them."

She pushed his hand away, and turned her face to hide the marks.

"Must've been the cat."

_"The cat?"_ He asked incredulously.

"Here!" Jack bound up with an orange slushy and handed it to Jen. She grabbed it, tossing the straw to the side and took a long, hard gulp.

"Thanks!" She said when she was through and handed it back to him.

He took a sip and handed it to Pacey, who also took a sip, crunching on the ice. He wiped his forehead and suddenly realized how hot he was.

A new set of trip-hop came on and Jen stood, feeling better, and more alert.

"You ready to dance now!" She yelled.

Pacey watched her, following as she and Jack launched out into the crowd.

A couple of girls kept surrounding Jack.

Smiling flirtatiously, they closed in on him seductively, and Jack smiled, obviously having a good time.

"Now what does he got that I don't?" Pacey shouted over Jen's shoulder into her ear. They were closer to the stage now and the music was bumping loud. She grinned.

"Gay guys are hot, Pacey! Get gay and get the girls!"

"It just doesn't seem right!" Pacey exclaimed. "It's not fair!"

"Aww! POOR BABY!" Jen laughed.

Pacey didn't worry about a having a bunch of strange, dosed up, _though highly attractive_, girls fawning all over him. The only one he worried about was the one right in front of him, finally smiling, and dancing with her back up against him.

Jen grabbed Pacey's hand, which had been wrapped around her waist, and pointed at Jack.

Pacey couldn't believe his eyes:

These totally hot raver chicks were hand feeding Jack their slushy.

"That's sooo not right!" Pacey sighed.

Jack was wearing a cheesy grin as one of them; this cute, short, little girl wearing a baby doll Tee with little knots in her hair; was offering him a handful of ice, which was dripping down her arm in the heat.

He opened his mouth and she shoved it in, letting him lick his fingers as she pulled away. Jack licked his lips and smiled as another one slipped yet another glow necklace around his neck.

"That is SOOOO not right!"

"That means they like him!" Jen shouted explaining the necklaces.

"That's obvious! …WOW."

After another moment of playful groping, the little girl held a pill up in front of him.

Jack looked worriedly at Jen, who shrugged indifferently as if to say 'Go ahead'. Jack looked back to the girl, and cautiously opened his mouth, letting her pop the pill inside. 

Jack swallowed. 

The girl grinned happily, wrapping her arms around his neck, while another girl caressed the back of his head.

"Is that safe?" Pacey yelled, pressing his cheek to Jen's ear as he looked over her shoulder at them.

"Probably!"

"Well…what's the worst that could happen?"

"The worst that could happen?" Jen called back. Pacey nodded. "He could end up in the ER getting his stomach pumped!"

"And the second worst?"

"He could get really high, have a great time, and end up in the ER tomorrow with stomach cramps, diarrhea, and a pounding headache!"

Pacey looked shocked.

"The high is worth it!" She laughed. "And the sex would be too if he were straight!"

"Maybe we should get us some of that!"

Jen laughed again and spun around to face him.

They were very close, both grinning from ear to ear as the music racked through them. Pacey raised Jen's wrist to his mouth and he took a bite out of her candy bracelet.

"Good, huh?" She smiled.

"Mmm, yeah!"

Five hours later, they were mopping Jack off the floor.

"Time to go!" Jen yelled as she and Pacey took one arm each and tried to lift him from his little pow-wow with his 'friends'. Jack giggled happily; sweat rolling off his forehead and chest, his shirt tucked in his back pocket.

"Come on, man!" Pacey yelled trying to lift him to his feet. "Help us out here!" 

Jack giggled again, but tried to oblige.

The party was still going strong even at three o'clock in the morning, and the girls in the lush pile; dosed up on Ecstasy, Special K, and whatever else they'd been taking; whined as the two of them dragged Jack away.

"Bye, bye!" He laughed.

"Bye, Jack!" They yelled. The short girl jumped to her feet.

"Call me?" She yelled desperately. He just smiled and waived.

"Good God, Jack!" Pacey said, flustered. "Didn't you tell them you were gay???"

"I did!" He giggled. "They said they could convert me!"

"Figures," Jen huffed as they dragged him past the bouncers and out to the street. "Let's get a cab." Jen yanked Jack's shirt from his back pocket and tried to get him to put it on.

Pacey stepped to the curb and tried to hail a cab, but it passed him by.

"FUCK!"

Jen finally got Jack's shirt up his arms and around his shoulder's…though buttoning it up was out of the question.

Pacey attempted to hail another one.

"DOUBLE FUCK!"

Jen sighed, and propped Jack against the wall with one hand. She raised her other fingers to her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Magically a cab appeared at the curb.

"How'd you do that!" Pacey asked baffled.

"Years of practice…" Jen sighed as she shoved Jack inside. 

She climbed in after him, and then Pacey followed; and the cab was off, flying through the city streets.

Jen barked out a couple of cross streets, and the cabbie turned in that direction.

"That's not where the motel is," Pacey whispered.

"It's just up the block though," She explained. "And if we actually had him drop us out front, we'd be going in all directions, following one way streets…this way is faster, and cheaper."

"Oh…"  
Jack let out another giggle as he leaned forward and almost toppled off the seat. Jen grabbed him.

"Maybe he should sit in the middle," She said.

"Yeah…" Pacey agreed.

Jen climbed over Jack as Pacey pulled him by the arms into her place, beside him. Jen settled down in the seat next to the door, taking Jack's hand, and holding him steady.

"You wanna hold my hand too?" Jack asked Pacey. He reached out for Pacey's hand, which had been resting on his own thigh, but Jack almost grabbed something else.

"WHOA COWBOY!" Pacey laughed, as he jumped in his seat. "That's not my hand there,"

Jen burst into a fit of laughter.

"Oh…" Jack smiled, staring at Jen before he started laughing too. Pacey took Jack's hand in his, and patted it with his other, blushing slightly the whole time.

"That better?" Jack asked playfully.

"Yeah…that's better."

Pacey shook his head and laughed despite himself.

The trip lasted about fifteen minutes.

They climbed out at the corner; Pacey supporting Jack as he staggered along, while Jen paid the driver. Then the cab sped off and the three of them started down the street towards their motel.

It was more peaceful on this street; not so much traffic; and the air was cool as the breeze tousled their hair.

"I—I think I can walk now," Jack said. Jen and Pacey paused, smiling at each other silently as they let Jack stand on his own two jelly filled legs. Surprisingly, Jack did all right.

He grinned as he took two successful steps before they started following him again.

Pacey got as close as possible to Jen, walking shoulder-to-shoulder, their hands brushing as they followed silently behind Jack. Pacey watched Jen for a moment, and when she noticed, she smiled sheepishly.

"OH MY GOD!" Jack suddenly blurted out as he paused to look up at the sky.

"What!" Pacey jumped.

"LOOK AT THE STARS! LOOK! …THEY'RE SO…SO…BRIGHT!"

He started forward again, his head turned up at the velvety black sky framed by the tall city skyscrapers, as he stared in amazement at the twinkling wonders overhead.

Pacey looked at Jen questioningly, and she smiled, shaking her head. They both let out a giggle.

"They're so bright!" Jack whispered aloud. "It's so…so beautiful…"

When they reached their motel, Jen helped Pacey carry Jack up the fight of stairs to their room.

"Oh man!" Pacey groaned. Jack felt like a ton of bricks.

"HE, HE, HE!" Jack giggled as Jen tried to prop him against the wall while Pacey searched through his pockets trying to find the motel key card.

"OH SHIT!" Jen gasped as Jack almost toppled to the floor.

"WHOA!"

Pacey reached out and grabbed him just in time. Jack's eyes were closed, and he was mumbling something incoherent.

"Is he gonna be okay, Jen?" Pacey asked, starting to worry.

"Yeah, he'll be fine…we just need to drop him in a bed for a few hours." She stood back, wiping her hair away from her face. "Where's the key?"

"Somewhere in my pockets, will you get it?"

It was taking all of Pacey's strength to hold Jack still. He kept swaying from side to side as if he'd drop at any second.

"Yeah,"

Jen slipped her hand first into one of Pacey's front pockets, and then the other. 

Pacey stiffened when he felt her hot hand pressed against his thigh within the cloth. He swallowed hard, and stared at Jack's face; concentrating on holding him still. Jack let out another giggle.

"Yeah, funny stuff, man!" Pacey said gruffly.

"Found it!" Jen said, withdrawing the plastic card from Pacey's pants.

She fiddled with the door, and finally got it open, and the two of them dragged Jack inside.

"It's so hot," Jack mumbled annoyedly as they dropped him on the first bed.

"I'll turn on the air," Jen said, smoothing back the hair from her face. She walked over to the air unit in the wall, fiddled with the dials, and after a moment, a cool stream of air wafted through the room.

"Is that better?" She asked as she came back to Pacey's side where he stood over Jack.

"Yeah…" Jack mumbled. He was sweating profusely…a side effect of Ecstasy. "But I'm hungry…I want food…"

"It's after 3 am!" Pacey exclaimed. "No ones going to be open this late."

"There's a Chinese food place open 24 hours," Jen said, suddenly feeling hungry herself. "They're nearby and they deliver."

"Mmmm…Chinese food…" Jack sighed sleepily.

"Well," Pacey said, picking up the phone. "Get the phone book,"


	4. 4

Title: The Most She Ever Knew (4) 

Author: Rachel

Email: rachelfromihj@hotmail.com

Homepage: Rach's Stuff [ http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj ]

Rating: R for language, sex, drugs, violence

Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home.

Spoilers: None

Within a half hour, Jen and Pacey were sitting on the floor sucking up chow mien in front of the TV while Jack sat against the bed, half way slumped, and half way passed out in front of his uneaten bowl of Kung Pao chicken.

"This is good," Jen grunted, as she bit into an egg roll.

"Um-hmn," Pacey nodded, twirling his noodles with his chopsticks.

"Jack's missing out,"

"He sure is…"

"MMm!"

Jen sat back, feeling completely stuffed. She picked up her soda, and took a long hard sip. She glanced over at Jack as she chewed on her straw, then at Pacey who sat, eyes glued to the TV.

She never should've agreed to let him watch Skinemax with the volume turned down low. She giggled. He was so engrossed in this shoddy, lame-ass B-movie…

She watched him, engrossed herself for a moment.

"What?" He asked, looking up; suddenly feeling her eyes on him.

"You…"

"What??"

"You just look so…so…"

"So what???"

"Nevermind!" She giggled.

"WHAT???" He smiled, obviously interested now. He set down his plate and chopsticks and leaned towards her with bright blue eyes.

Jen looked back at the TV shyly, as a pair of breasts flashed across the screen. Pacey didn't even notice…he was staring at her.

"I…" She glanced at Jack again, and took a deep breath. "We should get Jack to bed."

She crawled towards Jack, and gently took the bowl of food out of his grasp. Jack mumbled something in protest, but she just smiled. Pacey crawled over next to her and began clearing the rest of his food away.

"I'll get his arms, if you can help lift him up," She said, rising to her feet.

"Sure,"

Within seconds they had Jack off the floor and dropping back into his bed. His head hit the pillow and he smiled pleasantly, eyes still closed.

"Are you sure he's going to be okay?" Pacey asked as Jen started untying his shoes.

"Yeah…he'll be okay."

She went back, leaning down to kiss Jack's forehead when he suddenly reached up and grabbed her, pulling her down onto the bed beside him in a hug. Startled, Jen winced, a little too loudly with pain at the bruise she had forgotten about on her back, and Pacey looked at her strangely. Pacey reached down and helped her untangle herself from Jack's grasp, and she stiffly rose up from the bed. Jack reached out again in his sleep, but this time, Pacey grabbed the pillow from his bed, and shoved it into Jack's arms. Jack clutched it tightly, smiling again, and then after making a few smacking noises with his lips, began to snore comfortably.

"You okay?" Pacey asked as Jen went hastily to the door. The look on her face told him otherwise, but she shook her head and put on a false smile.

"I—I'm fine," She said, slipping on her jacket. "It's late…I should go."

"Spend the night," He said quietly. She looked up at him.

Jen was tempted.

Being with him and Jack all night, she'd been able to forget about what was waiting for her at home…but she knew she couldn't. If she wasn't there for her mother in the morning…

"Nah, Pace…I'd love to, but I can't."

"Oh," He said, disappointedly. She reached for the door.

"Let me drive you home." He said reaching for his coat.

"No…I'll catch a cab." She said adamantly. He slipped on his coat anyways.

"Well…I'll walk you down then."

She smiled.

"Okay…"

"Thanks for taking us out tonight," Pacey said as they waited near the curb for the sign of the first cab. Jen assured him that one would be by any minute, as was the usual case in any overly populated New York city.

"No, thank _you_ for taking me out."

Pacey watched her curiously as he saw a somewhat haunted look flash across her eyes. She was thinking about the past few horrible months with her mother…though she wouldn't mention it.

"…I..I really needed to get out. Thank you."

"No prob." He smiled. Then, "Are you sure you can't stay with us…_with me?_"

There was a somewhat awkward silence between them.

"No…Pace…"

 She smiled sheepishly, but would not look at him. 

"I can't…my mom…"

"Okay…"

A cab came into view, and Jen stepped out to the curb and waived.

"Well…can I see you tomorrow, before we head home?"

The cab pulled up to the curb. Jen thought about what he was asking.

"Yeah…I'd like that,"

"K…for lunch then?"

"Sure."

He stepped forward to hug her, and Jen almost cringed; squeezing her eyes shut, as he started to wrap his arms around her body; fearing the pain that was sure to ensue. 

Pacey paused as he noticed her reaction, but then continued to hold her anyway…

Gently... Without force; without pain.

Surprised, Jen opened her eyes.

She suddenly relished how warm his embrace was…and considered taking him up on his offer to stay. She considered not even going back at all; and instead, running away back to Capeside with her friends; going back to the place she loved, the place she felt safe…the place where she could free herself again...

But the thought only lasted a second; that's all she would allow. Jen gently pulled away from Pacey, and he let her go. He then opened the door for her, and held it aside as she climbed inside the cab.

"So tomorrow…around 1?" He asked, still holding the door.

"1 would be perfect."

"Okay…good night." He was smiling down at her.

"Good night,"

And then he shut the door, and the cab pulled away.

The whole ride home, Jen thought of how tender touch his touch had been…and she longed to feel it again.

The next morning, Jen awoke to the sunlight on her face.

_Who had opened the shades?_

"Rise and Shine, Jennifer." Her mother's voice cracked out.

Jen sat up groggily. Helen Lindley stood at the foot of her bed, dressed and made up, with her hands on her hips. Jen looked over at her alarm clock. It was only 10:15. She groaned.

"I'm taking my baby out for Sunday Brunch," Mrs. Lindley said happily.

"Oh, Mom," Jen sighed, slumping back against her pillows. "It's too early…let me sleep a few more hours…"

"Jennifer," She said in that warning tone. "I've made reservations…Get up. Get dressed. _NOW_."

Jen did as she was told, and rose from her bed. She yawned, scratching her head…and then stretched.

"OW!"

She reached back, and felt the swollen, purple skin on the small of her back. She looked back, lifting up her pajama top, and her jaw dropped at the site of it. It had gotten worse since last night; dark, red, _angry_…but Jen's mother didn't even notice.

"So Jenny, I'll expect you down stairs in a half an hour. And dress presentable… The ladies will be there, and I don't want them thinking my daughter's a slob…or a slut." The last word was purposely biting. Mrs. Lindley headed towards the door and exited without looking back.

Jen felt the bruise again, and felt a small sting in her eyes at her mother's callousness. She took a deep breath, and hobbled into the bathroom where she started the shower, and began to undress.

It wasn't until she looked in the mirror when she realized how severe their fight last night had been. Besides the scratches on her face, and the obvious bruise on her back, Jen had small dark bruises on her chest, shoulders, stomach, and the back of her thighs…

_…From where her mother had kicked her._

She felt her tears well up again as she relived the humiliation of it all over again.

For five minutes, Jen stood at her sink and cried.

Mrs. Lindley loved going to Brunch.

It was her time to shine in the society spotlight.

She and Jen sat alone at a small round table in the center of the restaurant. The center…where her mother could be the center of attention.

Lady after lady stopped to say hello as Mrs. Lindley sipped champagne and ate bits of her fruit and croissant. She smiled brightly, would nod at Jennifer, then the ladies would walk away and her mother would go back to her plate.

Jen just sat staring at her over-priced gourmet crepe pancakes, a knot in her stomach, and her shoulders slumped in rebut. She was thinking about Pacey and Jack…and Pacey holding her for that moment before she entered the cab…

"Jennifer, stop slouching."

"Yes, mother."

She made the effort to sit up straight, but it only lasted a moment as the aching and fatigue took over her again.

"Oh…there's that Patricia Hanson…" Helen sighed disgustedly. "You know, her daughter, Debra, is doing quite well. She's been accepted to Harvard, and Patricia just dotes on and on and on about her. I hope she doesn't come over here…"

Sure enough, she did.

"Patricia!" Helen exclaimed excitedly. Mrs. Hanson approached their table. They greeted each other in a false warmness that made Jen want to gag.

"Oh look…Jennifer is home!" The woman sighed phonely. She patted Jen on the shoulder, and Jen offered her what little smile she could.

They chitchatted for a moment, before Mrs. Hanson turned to Jen and asked,

"So, Jennifer…how are your studies?"

Jen was about to answer sarcastically that she was a highschool drop out, when Helen broke in and answered for her.

"Jennifer will be attending school in Paris…"

"PARIS!" Mrs. Hanson wailed out. "Paris! Oh my! That's wonderful!"

Jen stared at her mother in disbelief. Helen eyed her caustically as she went on, telling lie after lie after lie, trying so desperately to impress the woman before her.

Jen felt her jaw grow tight.

"…and Jennifer is graduating at the top of her class. She's so far ahead, that she was able to take some time off and come home to visit. Since Brice is away on business, I've never been more than happy to see my little girl!"

Jen almost laughed.

She sensed her mother's anxiety as Mrs. Hanson's questions became more and more specific. The few times that Jen had opened her mouth to speak, her mother had shot her such an icy glare, that Jen just looked to her lap and said nothing.

But now, her mother's act was just making her ill. She couldn't stand to sit at that table for another second.

"Excuse me…" She said, throwing down her napkin and rising from her seat. Her mother stared at her questioningly. Mrs. Hanson watched her too. "I…I need to use the ladies room."

"Of course, Jennifer." Helen said curtly, turning back to her friend.

Jen walked away, but instead of heading towards the rest room, she went to the lobby, and asked to use the phone.

"Hi…Pacey?"

"Yeah?" Pacey said groggily as he sat up in bed.

"It's…it's Jen."

"Oh, hey!"

"I'm sorry to call so early…I called information to get your number."

"That's okay," Pacey said gruffly, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He looked over at Jack, still asleep, snoring softly, and then at the clock reading 11:36 on the nightstand.

The line was silent for a moment.

"Jen…what's wrong?"

"Nothing…"

Another moment passed.

"Jen?"

"Um…"

She just needed to hear his voice. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall clutching the phone to her ear. Her breathing was slow and steady as the knot in her stomach loosened, and she felt herself relax.

"…I wanted to check on Jack."

"Oh," Pacey chuckled.

"How is he?"

"He's still breathing…" Pacey felt himself yawn.

Jen narrowed her brows and frowned.

"I'm sorry to have waken you up so early…"

"Don't be…it's about time I get up anyways…we've got a date in an hour and a half, don't we?"

Jen smiled.

"Yeah…we do."

"Okay."

"Okay…"

Jen listened to his breathing at the other end of the phone. Pacey listened to her silence.

"So…I'll see you in a little while," She said, and quietly hung up the phone.


	5. 5

Title: The Most She Ever Knew (5) 

Author: Rachel

Email: rachelfromihj@hotmail.com

Homepage: Rach's Stuff [ http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj ]

Rating: R for language, sex, drugs, violence

Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home.

Spoilers: None

Jen actually smiled as she and her mother rode in the limousine back home.

"Did you enjoy your brunch?" Helen asked as she looked at her reflection in her hand held mirror. Jen smiled, not really listening.

"Jennifer?"

"Huh?"

"Did you enjoy your brunch?"

"Um, yeah…I guess so…"

"Good."

After another block had passed, Jen spoke again.

"Mother…at one, a friend is picking me up for lunch, okay? I just wanted to let you know…to get your permission."

"Oh…" Helen said, slightly jaunted. "…well, yes, that's fine."

"Okay," Jen said quickly, in relief.

"How long will you be gone?"

"Not long…an hour or two at best."

"Oh, well, yes…that's fine. You don't need to ask permission to go out with a friend. You're a grown up…of course that's fine."

Jen stared at her mother in disbelief.

"Why would I mind if you went out with a friend?" When Jen didn't answer, Helen looked over at her. "Hmn?"

"N-no reason…"

Jen got home, and changed into more comfortable clothes. She glared at the long, floral dress her mother had made her wear to brunch earlier, and made a face. She kicked it into the back of her closet, then closed the closet door and sat down on her bed to slip on her shoes.

Jen was dressed more like a New Yorker now. Despite the warm weather, Jen was wearing a tight, pale colored long sleeved t-shirt, dark denim jeans, and she slid on her trademark leather clunky boots. It had been a while since she'd worn them…and it felt good to slip back into them.

She got up and went to her mirror. 

Jen wiped off the disgusting pink lipstick her mother had wanted her to wear, then started to apply some chapstick. She stopped when she noticed there was a scab in the corner of her lips…another place her mother's nails had dug into her. She dropped the chapstick and looked for her darkest shade of red. 

She pressed her lips together and stood back. Vampire colors were out, but this shade hid the scab, and that was all she was concerned about. She applied some more concealer to her cheeks and jaw line, then dusted on more powder. Mac make-up always covered…_hid,_ so well.

She looked in the mirror. 

God, she seemed different.

She twisted her hair into little pigtails and held them in place with rubberbands, before finally turning and leaving her mirror. She picked up her bag before leaving the room.

Pacey arrived right on time, wearing one of his Hawaiian shirts and khaki shorts that he was so well known around Capeside for. Jen almost laughed.

"You're going to stand out in that," She said.

"You're going to roast in _that,"_ He pointed at her outfit. "It's like, a million degrees out here!"

"I'm a New Yorker…I can take the heat,"

"Jennifer?" 

"Oh great," Jen mumbled trying to shove Pacey out the door.

"Jennifer, I'd like to meet your friend,"

Helen came to the entryway, still in her expensive Chanel suit from the brunch, and carrying a martini glass. Her eyes lit up when she saw Pacey.

"And who is this attractive…_yet oddly dressed_, young man?" She asked. Jen looked mortified.

"This is Pacey Witter…from Capeside. Pacey, this is my mom."

"Nice to meet you," He said warmly.

"You as well," She said, taking a sip of her drink. "A Witter, huh? Are the Witter men still as debonair as I remember?"

Jen blushed. Pacey grinned.

"So you know of my clan, heh."

"I knew your father,"

"Well, mom…I'll be back in a couple of hours." Jen again shoved Pacey out the front door, and started to close it behind them.

"Are you driving?" Helen asked.

Pacey turned and smiled at her.

"Uh, yeah…I've got my friend's car."

"Oh, Jennifer…why don't you let Julio drive you…the limousine is so much more elegant."

"No thanks mom," Jen said bitterly. "We're fine," 

She slammed the door and rushed towards Jack's car, sitting at the end of the driveway.

"Jen…wait up," Pacey said.

"Let's just go," She said hurriedly, looking back as she watched her mother stare at them through the window.

"Sure." He said, a little baffled as he unlocked her door.

"I'm sorry," Jen said, rubbing her forehead as they pulled away.

"For what?" Pacey asked, smiling as he looked over at her.

"Just for my mother…she's…she's a bit of a…of a…I don't know."

"You don't need to apologize for your parents…are you forgetting who my father is?" He grinned at her then looked back to the road.

Of course…how could she forget… 

Jen smiled and eased back in the seat.

"So…what made you decide to stay here?"

The dreaded question.

Pacey and Jen sat across from eachother in a Mom 'n Pop kinda pizzeria where local kids hung out; eating pizza, playing skeeball, or battling it out on old arcade video games. 

The table clothes were red and white checked, and the lights were set low. The waitresses all looked related, and called the cook "Pops". The food was good, and the atmosphere was noisy…just what Jen needed, compared to the high-class ritzy brunches and the boring afternoon teas she had been attending with her mother every day for the last couple of weeks. This was the first time she'd been able to get out alone. Well, not exactly alone, since Pacey was there.

She was glad he was there…

Pacey stared at her across the table. They sat in a booth with high backs for privacy, leaving them pretty much secluded in their corner.

Jen didn't want to answer him.

He asked again.

"Jen…what made you decide to stay with your mom in New York?"

She took a bite of pizza, and acted like her mouth was too full to answer. When she swallowed, she tried to change the subject.

"So, Jack was really messed up from last night,"

"Yes," Pacey said, smiling slightly, realizing what she was doing, and not about to let her off nearly that easily. "He was very messed up…but you didn't answer my question."

"Hmn?"

"About staying here?"

"Oh," Jen started to pick up another slice, but Pacey slapped her hand away. She looked at him, her mouth agape, as he leaned over the table towards her.

"Why don't you want to answer my question?"

"What? I don't—what do you mean?"

"Jen…you're avoiding it…why?"

"I'm not avoiding it!"

"Jen,"

He was smiling persuasively, and Jen knew she couldn't get away from those penetrating eyes of his. She sighed, sitting back against the seat and looked down at her food. Pacey's smile started to fade at her expression. She finally looked at him, and he, too, settled back in his seat.

But she still didn't speak.

"Come on, Jen…what's up?"

"Nothing!" She said, exasperated.

"It's obviously not 'nothing'," He said softly. "Come on…You know how much your Grams misses you. And Jack, and everybody…what made you stay?"

"It's—It's too hard to talk about..."

"It's not hard…tell me."

"Pacey—"

"Jen…"

"Pacey, don't make me—"

"Jen, I want to know! Now, come on…what's going on?"

She shook her head. He leaned forward, peering across the table at her. He didn't like this; her sudden secrecy. Jen was never one to hold things in. It had to be serious. Pacey started to grow worried.

"Why wont you tell me? We're friends, you now… You're supposed to be able to talk to me about this stuff."

She still sat silently.

"Fine." Pacey sat back in a huff. "I mean, if you don't trust me…"

"Pacey…" She finally said brusquely. "My father beats my mother."

"What?" Pacey snapped when the words finally registered.

"My dad…he…" Jen looked as if she were about to cry. She set her elbow on the table and rested her forehead against her hand. Pacey watched her.

"Jen? When?"

"Oh, God,"

She did start to cry then, though only a few tears came out. She quickly wiped them away. And Pacey, his face wrought with surprise, empathy, and concern, passed her a napkin. 

"Thank you," She said as she took it. She wiped her eyes and nose, then took a deep breath. She tried to speak, but couldn't.

"I'm here…" Pacey said in a low voice as he reached across the table and took her hand. "I'm here for you. Whenever you're ready to talk, just start."

"I didn't want anybody to know," Jen sighed softly.

"Well…" Pacey started slowly. "What's your mother going to do? I mean, she's going to leave him, right?"  
Jen laughed inanely, shaking her head.

"No, Pace..."

"Well, she can't just stay with him,"

"That's exactly what she's going to do."

"But—"

"Pace, look. You don't understand. I…I shouldn't have even said anything."

"What do you mean," Pacey said, rising and moving around the edge of the table to sit beside her. "Of course you should've said something… You should have said something sooner."

"Pacey, really, it's none of your business. I shouldn't have said anything. Please just forget it…"

"I will not forget it!"

"It doesn't even matter!" Jen said adamantly, and shrugging her shoulders all too nervously. "My father…He's in Europe. After that, he's spending a few months in the Orient. It's not like he's going to be here. She'll be fine,"

"But what about when he comes back?"

"Well…I'll be here."

"Jen,"

"I'll be here, and I'll protect her."

"Jen…You can't protect your mother. If anything, she should be protecting you. Has your dad ever hit you? Has he??? If he did—" Pacey was starting to feel angry.

"No! God, no! Daddy…he never…he never hit me,"

"Well, what's to keep him from starting??? Abuse spreads…it spreads fast! I don't understand how a woman could just stay in an abusive relationship like that…especially with her teenaged daughter in the house,"

"It's…complicated,"

"It shouldn't be. I mean, what if he did start hitting you,"

"Pacey, please. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Well, I think you should! I think she should talk to somebody, too…a psychiatrist, or the police,"

"No, she wouldn't…she really doesn't need to,"

"She needs to do something! Eventually, she's going to have to face up to it and make a choice. I just hope…I hope it's not too late by then…"

"Pacey! I don't need to hear this!"

"He could kill her,"

"Pacey!"

"He could hurt you!"

"Pacey, please!"

"I just don't want you to get hurt, Jen. If there's anything I can do to stop that, I will… Don't think I'm going to let this go."

Jen's face fell as she slouched farther down into her seat. Pacey placed his arm around her protectively, and sighed heavily.

"Jen…I can't let you get hurt here."

"Pacey… Please let it drop…" She whispered. "Okay? It's okay… We'll be okay… I don't want to talk about this anymore…"

Pacey looked at her skeptically. He knew it wouldn't be okay if she kept thinking with this attitude…this denial.

Still, he didn't want to make her more uncomfortable than she already was. He realized it had taken a lot for her to even admit it…

And so, against his better judgment, he let it drop.


	6. 6

Title: The Most She Ever Knew (6) 

Author: Rachel

Email: rachelfromihj@hotmail.com

Homepage: Rach's Stuff [ http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj ]

Rating: R for language, sex, drugs, violence

Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home.

Spoilers: None

They sat in the car in the driveway in front of the house.

"Jen, talk her into coming back." Pacey turned off the ignition, and sat back in his seat. "Talk her into coming back to Capeside. She can be with you and Grams…people who actually care about her."

Jen smiled.

"She wouldn't…"

"Why not?"

"It's just not her."

"But if she did, she'd be happier. She'd be so much happier…and you'd be happier too. You'd finally have a mother again."

Jen felt a lump rise in her throat. She looked longingly out into space, wondering 'what if'…

"Pacey…I wish…"

"We miss you, Jen," Pacey said softly. "Everybody does." He swallowed hard, shaking his head. "It's not the same without you around… There's no one for Dawson to take advice from… There's no one to explain to Andie and Jo the powers of womanhood."

Jen laughed.

"And there's no one there for Jack…at all." His voice grew serious, and Jen found another lump rising in her throat. Pacey stared at her sadly. "Andie's there, of course…but as his sister, and I'm there to pal around on the weekends, but…there's no 'you'. You and Jack were…and I hate to use the dreaded "S" word, but you two were practically soul mates, and I can see it in his eyes, when something comes up, you're not there, and he's just so sad…"

Jen started to cry silently.

"I miss you, too," Pacey said, swallowing hard and staring at her with bright blue eyes. He reached down and squeezed her hand. "I just miss talking to you…seeing you…making casual sex pacts with you."

Jen looked at him and smiled. Pacey always had a way of making people laugh, even amidst the biggest of tragedies, he was always there…

Jen wiped the tears back from her cheeks and sighed.

"Come on, Jen. Come on. Come home, to Capeside."

Everything ever said by Pacey Witter sounded so easy and simple. When Pacey Witter spoke, there wasn't anything that couldn't be done.

"Get her to come back."

"I'll try."

"Promise?"

"I do. I'll try."

I want you to call me. For anything, you call me… I mean it."

"Thank you."

Jen stepped forward and hugged Pacey one last time before the weekend was over, before he and Jack returned back to Capeside, and before Jen was left alone again.

Pacey took a step back and stared at her on her porch. Jen kept smiling, even though her heart was breaking, knowing that he and Jack would be leaving without her, knowing that she wouldn't be going home.

"Tell Jack goodbye for me." She said.

"I will."

"Tell him I'm sorry for letting him get that messed up…I shouldn't have let him… I mean, he… He had no idea—"

"Jen," Pacey said, smiling slightly. "I don't think Jack blames you. And I don't think he regrets it all _that_ much."

"You're right." Jen laughed. "Well… Just tell him I love him, and tell him to call me."

"I will."

"And Pacey…" She smiled. "You call me too."

"You can bet on it."

He didn't want to leave.

"Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we come up next weekend?"

Jen's eyes brightened. 

"You want to come up?"

"Yeah…if that's okay with you, I mean."

"Of course it's okay!" She gushed. "I'd love that."

"Okay," He said, beaming. "Jo is busy with the B&B, Dawson's working on some picture taking rant, and Andie's studying her ass off to get into Harvard… It might just be me and Jack."

"That would be perfect."

"K."

Pacey moved towards her again, and to her surprise, he leaned down and brushed his lips against her cheek.

"So, next week then."

"Give my love to everyone." 

"I will."

Jen watched him bound down the steps and climb into Jack's car. Jen smiled after him from her porch and waived as he pulled away.

  
Jen watched him go, and stood there for a moment longer. It was getting late. She turned towards the front door, and went inside.

"Mom? I'm home," She called out as she ascended the wide banister staircase.

The house was dark. No lights were on...just the last of the day's sunlight slipping through the windows.

"Mom?"

"Jen?"

"Yeah,"

"Come here."

Jen followed her mother's voice to her room.

A half hour later, Jen and her mother sat in their dining room at their long and ornate polished Mahogany table. The lights were still turned down and the room was silent except for the gentle scrape of silverware on the delicate porcelain of the expensive china's surface.

Jen's face was no longer red from a slap her mother had given her when she'd first gotten home late, and Jen wasn't really thinking about it anymore. She stared at her food, thinking about her friends…

"So, Jen…how was your date?"

"It wasn't a 'date'," Jen said in a low voice. "We're just friends."

"I remember John Witter…any outing with him was never just 'as friends'…"

Jen glared at her mother, then looked back to her food.

"Well, Pacey and I are just friends."

"Well, he's a charming young man…how did it go anyway?" Helen took a long sip of her wine.

"It was fun." Jen said simply, lifting her crystal glass to her lips to sip her mineral water. Perrier. She hated Perrier. She didn't know why her mother spent so much money on mineral water when you could buy drinking water by the gallon for ninety-nine cents…

"You looked like you had fun," Helen smiled. "I haven't seen you smile in weeks…"

Jen's face dropped as she thought to herself, 'That's because of you,'

"…and a young man appears at our door, taking you to lunch. I just can't help but sense romance in the air."

"We're just friends," Jen repeated. 

"Close, I'd imagine…he makes you happy."

"Yes, we're close, and yes, he makes me happy."

"Then that's all that matters."

Helen took up her wine glass again, staring over it's rim at her daughter, but she didn't sip.

Jennifer was growing into such a beautiful woman…Helen hoped her daughter would make all the right choices in life. She didn't want her to end up as she had.

Three days had passed without incident, much to Jen's surprise. Her mother and she were getting along well, for their standards, and Jen started to let her guard down. On the fourth day, Jen woke up to her mother screaming at one of the housekeepers for breaking a vase. She knew in her heart that this would lead to some sort of displaced reprimand later, and she tried to ready herself for it.

Jen didn't even want to get out of bed that day. But she did.

And the reprimand came.

And later that night, after it was all over, Jen stood at the bathroom sink wiping the blood from her lip, and staring at herself in the mirror.

"You are so stupid," She said in a trembling whisper. She slapped the glass hard, but not hard enough to crack it. "YOU ARE SO STUPID!" She screamed. She dropped back, against the wall and slid to the floor, trembling violently, but not crying.

Jen knew she shouldn't have said anything when the first slap came. But she was angry, and it slipped out. It just infuriated her mother more. She wanted to hit back so badly. But she couldn't hit her mother…she could never hurt her mother that way.

Jen was angry with her father for hitting her mother. It was all his fault.

Jen wished that her mother had never married her father, even knowing that that would mean she would never have been born. She'd easily agree to cease to exist if that meant that her mother would have never had to experience this… 'No one should have to experience this', she thought, still thinking of her mother.

She finally rose and finished cleaning up, and after tucking her mother into bed, she decided she needed to hear a familiar voice.

"Pacey?"

"Hey, how ya doing?"

"Fine," her voice cracked. 

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," She said, blaming it on the reception in the phone line. "I just needed to hear your voice."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…" Jen thought quickly. "I'm feeling homesick again."

"That's because you need to come home," Pacey smiled.

Jen smiled too.


	7. 7

Title: The Most She Ever Knew (7) 

Author: Rachel

Email: rachelfromihj@hotmail.com

Homepage: Rach's Stuff [ http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj ]

Rating: R for language, sex, drugs, violence

Summary: During an alternative senior year, a familiar family emergency calls Jen home to her mother, and because of the trouble in the past, Jen makes the bad decision to move back home.

Spoilers: None

The weekend finally came, and there Pacey was standing at Jen's door; this time dressed more appropriately for New York in dark jeans, a dark blue short sleeved button down shirt, and black steel toed boots. Jen smiled.

"Look at you!" Jen laughed. Pacey grinned, and spun around, modeling for her.

"I figured I should try to blend in...I ditched the shorts and sandals and went with my ass-stompers." He said, stomping his foot on the ground. Jen laughed.

"You'll blend perfectly."

"Good."

"Where's Jack?"

"Oh…he couldn't come. He had to stay and help his dad with some project…"

"Oh." Jen said. "Well, at least he and his dad are getting along now."

"Yeah, it's important to Jack."

"Yeah."

They stared at eachother for a minute.

"So it's just you and me."

"You want to come in?" Jen asked.

"Yeah."

Jen held the door aside and let him in. Pacey paused, looking around in awe at the extravagance of the house. He'd been in nice houses before; Jack and Andie were the richest people he knew, but this… This was different. He made a whistling sound through his lips.

"What?" Jen smiled.

"This house!" Pacey exclaimed draping his arm around her shoulder. "It's immaculate!"

"Yeah, well, too bad the people who live in it aren't," She joked.

Pacey eyed her playfully.

"What's the rest of it look like?"

"Shall I give you the tour?"

"Yes."

"Okay, follow me." Jen said taking his hand and dragging him towards the downstairs den.

"And this is the kitchen," Jen said, walking through the swinging doors. It was the last place to show him on the first floor.

"Wow. This is totally gourmet." Pacey said, his eyes alight with amazement.

"You want something to drink before we tour the upstairs?" Jen asked opening the refrigerator door.

"Is your mom home?"

"Not for a couple of hours…"

"You got any beer?" Pacey laughed hopefully.

"Yeah, can I trust you with it though?" Jen said coyly.

"You want trust, then I am your man!" Pacey grinned. Jen reached in and took out a bottle of dark ale. Pacey twisted off the cap, and took a sip.

"Rich beer is always the best beer," He sighed.

"Come on, Samuel Adams, let's see the rest of the house…" Jen took his free hand and led him out of the kitchen and up the staircase.

"This is my father's main den," Jen sighed as they entered the large bookcase lined room. "I used to think he spent his whole life in here."

"It's like two stories!" Pacey exclaimed, staring up at a circular stairwell leading to another level of shelves above with its own landing. "Jen, your house rocks."

"It's not my house," Jen said. "It's my mother's."

"Well, it still rocks."

Pacey took a minute to wander around, poking around, fingering books, and taking a moment to sit in Jen's father's lush leather chair.

"So this is what power feels like," He said, digging into the armrest and spinning the chair around.

"My father doesn't have the right kind of power," Jen said sadly. Pacey stopped spinning and looked at her. She shrugged off her frown and smiled at him.

"Where's your room?" He asked.

"This is it," Jen said.

"Wow." Pacey repeated for the thirteenth time that day.

He went over to the large picture window staring out over the backyard and looked out. "Jen…that is an Olympic sized pool, isn't it."

"Yeah."

"You wanna go for a dip?" He asked raising his eyebrow suggestively at her.

Jen thought of the bruises on her back and legs.

"Um, no."

"Oh," He looked disappointed.

"But you can if you want, I'll watch."

"No…that's okay." He took another sip from his beer bottle then turned to look at her bed. "Man, Lindley…you must be able to sleep for days on that!" He remarked at it's size and plushness.

"I wish,"

"Can I try it out?"

"Be my guest."

Pacey set his bottle down on the windowsill then ran and flung himself on the bed.

"OH   MY   GOD. THIS IS LIVING."

Jen giggled while Pacey lay face down in the comfort of her designer sheets.

"Ahhhh…" He sighed. Jen went and sat down on the edge next to him. He rose up to a sitting position still in the middle of her bed and looked at her.

"You know what this reminds me of?" He asked suggestively.

"Mmm, I think I have a guess," Jen smiled, remembering a time of sneaking around and playing in other people's beds…

Pacey grabbed her and pulled her down. She giggled and he climbed over her, pinning her. He stared down at her wickedly, watching her eyes, and waiting for her response. She didn't fight back.

"Just what diffused that little agreement anyway?" He asked.

"Um, if I recall, it took place after a little episode in a coatroom and involved a cynical brunette who laid into you about the meaning of sex…"

"Oh yeah," Pacey said gruffly. "Joey."

"Yes, Joey."

"Hmn."

"Hmn is right."

"Well," He said, lowering his face to hers. "Joey's not here, and we're in a much more comfortable place than that coatroom,"

"But I don't want casual."

"Who says it has to be casual?"

"Really?" She said almost hopefully.

"Really."

They looked at eachother silently before Pacey leaned down and kissed her.

The front door opened and Helen Lindley walked through, carrying a shopping bag and smiling profusely.

"Jenny? Jenny, baby? Where are you!" She started up the steps.

"Oh crap!" Jen said, pushing Pacey off of her and smoothing her hair hastily. Pacey climbed off the bed, a blush on his cheeks as he straightened his pants and shirt. He heard Jen sigh loudly before she walked out the open door into the hallway to greet her mother.

Pacey quickly grabbed his half empty beer and shoved it beneath the bed.

"Ohh crap," He sighed as its contents spilled out into the plush carpet. 'Oh well' he thought, and dropped the dust ruffle to conceal it. He stood quickly and followed Jen out into the hallway.

"Well, hello Pacey." Helen said, suddenly eyeing them suspiciously.

"Hello Mrs. Lindley," He said, everything but his eyes concealing what they'd just been doing.

"I bought you something, Jennifer," Helen said excitedly, going past them into Jen's room.

Jen followed on her heels and Pacey followed Jen.

"I saw this and I thought you just had to have it!" Helen said, entering the room and going towards the bed. She noticed the covers slightly rumpled but throwing down the shopping bag, ignored it. She looked at Jen with a mischievous expression. Jen stepped forward self consciously, half way smiling, half way not knowing exactly what to think. She fingered the bag slightly, her eyes lingering on it.

"Go on, open it!" Helen said excitedly. Pacey watched from the doorway.

Jen reached slowly into the bag, past the tissue wrapping. She felt something cool and thick. She felt leather. She pulled out the hip length black leather coat and gasped when she saw the label.

"M-Mom!"

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah,"

"Good!"

"But mom! How much did it cost!"

"Don't worry about price, Jenny…nothings too good for my baby. Try it on."

Jen, still in shock at the Versace tag, pulled it fully from the bag and stared at it, then at her mother. Helen stepped forward and helped her daughter slip it on. It was a perfect fit, and it was exceptionally stylish, much more so than her old leather coat.

"I figured if my daughter was going to be running around New York City in a leather jacket, it might as well be the most expensive one in the city," Helen smiled again, hugging her daughter about the shoulder.

"Gee, thanks mom," Jen said, suddenly feeling an insult coming on. She looked at her skeptically.

Helen turned to Pacey.

"I saw this beautiful pea coat, I mean _beautiful_…but knowing my daughter's taste, I thought she'd like this more."

"Very cool of you, Mrs. Lindley."

"I appreciate it, Mom."

"I figure it will go with your street clothes," Helen said. "Keep you from looking like a runaway…"

"Okay, I get it, mom." Jen started to hiss.

"Mrs. Lindley," Pacey said, stepping farther into the room and intervening before an awkward moment ensued. "You have great taste. Jen looks great in it…"

"Why, thank you, Pacey!" Helen purred turning to him and taking his arm in hers. "Tell me…what plans do you two have for lunch?"

Pacey looked at Jen before shrugging.

"We don't, actually,"

"Well, you do now! I'm taking you out to Chez Le Beau…it's this beautiful restaurant…just _beautiful_! And they have the best crab cakes this side of Capeside…"

She led Pacey away, back out into the hallway and towards the stairs. Jen's heart fluttered at the mention of Capeside, but quickly overcame it.

"Jenny! Change your clothes and we'll go! And wear your new jacket…" Helen called back. Jen went to her door and watched Pacey make his way down the stairs with her mother, still chatting on about Chez Le Beau. Jen sighed. She absolutely hated fancy restaurants, and she hated being stuck at one with her mother…and now Pacey was stuck too.

The look on his face told her he didn't mind at all as he glanced back up at her and smiled. She smiled back, then went back into her room and closed her door to change.

One cocktail after another…

Helen was becoming increasingly impaired. Jen covered her face with her hand in humiliation as her mother started to flirt mercilessly with the waiter. Pacey didn't say anything, but held Jen's sweaty hand beneath the tablecloth supportingly.

Finally Jen and Pacey were able to drag her mother away from the restaurant and into the limousine without much trouble. In the car, Helen began to laugh haughtily, lolling her head back, eyes closed, against the leather seat. Jen watched her sternly from across the seat, Pacey next to her, his arm resting around her, and a grim expression on his brow. Jen shook her head in embarrassment as her mother grew louder, yelling commands at Julio. 

He ignored her, having dealt with her enough in the many years that he had served the Lindley family, and rose the privacy glass, sanctioning off Jen and Pacey to listen to Helen on their own.

"I'm so sorry you had to see this," Jen said, looking back at Pacey. He smiled reassuringly, and stroked the hair from her forehead as Helen talked to herself, still laughing obnoxiously, eyes closed, across from them as the limo moved towards home.


End file.
